he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
