do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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