she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
