"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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