Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
