so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
