I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
