I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
