My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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