I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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