Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
