i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
