just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
