I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
