Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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