He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
