I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
