In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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