Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
