Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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