Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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