Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
