I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
