I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
