If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
