ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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