yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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