i already hear my dad disowning me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
