I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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