That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
