As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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