Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
