I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
