no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
