just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
