He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
