Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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