Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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