i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
