So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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