I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
