I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
