Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
