We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
