So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
