I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
