I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
