I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
