dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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