I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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