i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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