I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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