You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
